Day 0, An Introduction

For 10 days, only water mixed with Grade B Maple Syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper will pass through our colons. Why do this? We live in a world hostile to Colorectal health. Our colons are screaming for help, and we are going to answer their call.

Epic proclamations regarding colorelectal health aside, we just want to do like Beyonce and slim down 20 pounds for a role in Dreamgirls. Except this is not a movie. This is life. I need to regain my status as the harlot intern at the AS with my 22 inch waist and sizeable breasts for an Asian. (Kardashian) I need to feel like my digestive system is alive again. (Gagosian) It sounds fun. (Sarkisian) I need to slim down to fit into my new, 4,000 dollar saddle (Kevorkian, hypothetical)

We just made a trial batch. It has a senna coloration, with a faint haze of pepper floating around it. (Jeanne compares it to the mucus that we will soon be ejecting from the depths of our spic-span bowels.) It tastes good, too. Maybe too sweet, but we'll tone down the syrup.

Let us get this started. Let us redeem our colons.

Cleanse me, master.